I want to be the same, wherever I go,
but there’s something always in the way of that being so.
If I go slow, like really slow,
I already know why there’s always versions of me that are faux.
It’s because I’m scared of losing face
in all my relationships, the face that I place in that space
are masks I replace to chase the acceptance race
from all my relationships, where I’m really just scared to embrace my honest face.
But from where does that even start,
the fear so deep within me that viscerally it won’t depart?
When pulled apart, picked to parts, it comes down to a broken heart--
not from withheld love, but from love that never got a start.
Because to start requires an invitation
to be accepted into the conversation,
not as an aberration but as an emotion that deserves celebration
and love for me--never received that designation and thus avoided any such integration.
So back to the idea of congruency--
imbued within the word is a perpetual fluency
of honesty, consistency, and truancy,
because who we are is who we always are, see?
It’s not hard to understand what it means to be consistent.
Feeling into that, there’s actually nothing else that is existent,
because at our core we are just us, but sometimes we put that at a distance,
so persistent and resistant to make ourselves consistent.
Because to be ourselves all the time opens us up to reality:
the brutality of our emotional fatality becoming an actuality,
because being ourselves in our totality, without any conditionality
means our true personality, our individuality will henceforth have a mortality.
Translated, it means being ourselves means we can be rejected,
experience the social situations simulating us being disconnected,
dejected, ejected, and neglected from the circles we have elected
to be our circles of safety, the ones where we feel most projected.
So as a result, we choose to preference inclusion,
we choose to personally perpetuate our particular illusion
of who we are in social situations, because we think that’s the solution
to the confusion of why all we feel is disillusion.
But trying to fit in by always changing
is to try to fit in by always exchanging--
not materialistically, but spiritually rearranging--
our truest selves, which honestly we know is for ourselves shortchanging.
Because to achieve fluency of who we are,
we must embrace truth as our only North star,
and pursue it relentlessly as the base for our emotional repertoire.
This is the bar we must hold ourselves to, this must become our new avatar.
And on the other side of that, we will be free
to see that we have the autonomy to choose with whom we agree--
to align ourselves, to surround ourselves, to allow us just to be.
Because that’s our destination: true congruence fluency.